Sometimes I wish I could write more than these bleak philosophical things revolving around just pain and loneliness. I realized that I don’t go beyond these concepts. They keep restricting me to pen down on mundane stuffs that keep droning on and on about surviving in a ‘dark’ world. It’s not as bad as I make it seem like. People aren’t as ignorant as I make them seem like. My extensive use of hyperbole may help in portraying the rawest emotions more profoundly, but they also give a wrong idea about the actual happenings around me. In that spur of moment, I don’t think rationally because I just sit down and type on and on to alleviate all the thoughts brewing within my mind. You could say I make a lion out of a rat. That’s how it always is and it only makes me more sensitive and vulnerable to trivial problems.
No. I can’t do funny. I’m neither witty nor humorous. I’m just an average girl with a dull mind who’s very rusty in the self-confidence department. I do write, but only when my emotions are at a peak. Normally, I can’t even go further than the horizon I’d behold because neither can I feel so strongly nor can I see below the plane of superficiality. But, that doesn’t mean I stop trying.
I want to be able to expand my mind to different scenarios and issues. I know these repetitive stuffs on love, life, relationships and misery get worn out and boring. They are depressing. Once in a while, it’s all right to plunge into the darker side of life, but all the time? It gets into me eventually and I stop appreciating the little cherish-able moments of life that come along because I’m still treading that path without any street-lights. It sucks. All of it.
They say what you write is a reflection of you. This is so true in my case. I’m not saying the things that I wrote actually happened in my life but there is a part of me in all of them and that’s why I find it easier to write them and that’s why they all pour forth ever so smoothly. No writer’s block or a dead-end. It is the case because I am what I write. Lonely, depressed, anxious and conflicted, and that’s what led me to create this blog in the first place.
I thought that writing it all down would help me get out of this shit phase I’m going through, and I’ve been mistaken all along. Not that it doesn’t help me forget about it even for a while, it just adds up to my stack and now it’s toppling down on me. Things seem like they are getting out of hand and I can’t even lasso them to tame them all. Everything sucks. Just flat-out sucks.
I have never been more open in any of my blog posts before, but I am this time because I want to let it all out. This is for me, to empty my mind.
Also, the reason why I have typed it all out is because I’ll be going on a hiatus. I want this period to be a time for self-introspection and new experiences. I don’t want to remain fixed to my problems. Well, I don’t even know where all of this is coming from and why I’m even feeling this way to begin with. I guess I just need a time-out from the social media that makes me feel very insignificant. I need to go out there and feel the fresh air beckoning me to run and run and to keep running.
This only means I won’t be posting much on here for a long long time. I’ll still be reading and stuff, but my blog is as good as dead for the next few months.
So, thank you to all of you who’ve read my posts so far. I promise I’ll give you better after my interlude. I really appreciate you taking your time to read my long-ass posts. Really. I’m indebted to each and every one of you.
Lastly, you be you and you do you. You’re all special in your own unique ways and you’re all loved dearly. You may not be aware of it, but you should know it. There’s no feeling in this world that surpasses the feeling of love. There’s nothing in this world that relieves you as much as the thought that you are loved by someone out there does. It’s what keeps me going and it’s what instils hope in me when everyone seems like they have given up on me.
Adios mates! Stay strong and stay healthy ❤
Advika-Over and Out.