Friends and Change

It’s hard not to fret over unwanted changes because you’re absolutely content with this moment. Those furrowed eyebrows, beads of sweat kneading your forehead, bouts of anxiety that accompany the slightest contemplation of something and finally a panic attack unleashed in its full glory. They’re all few symptoms of your resolute no to life’s mysterious plans that plays along by rolling its dice. Sometimes, you wish your mind had a sturdy armour to deflect these pointed strikes carried out by fear. Unfortunately, for almost all of us who aren’t ready to step into a foreign land yet, it’s not possible to hinder despair or anguish. Everything comes at a great cost. For what you gain, you lose something. For all the grandeur you’re showered with, know that there’s downfall awaiting. With happiness comes equal amount of sadness. That’s how life levels itself. It always tries to play fair. However, we let ourselves ingrain specific moments into our heads that either inflict too much misery or keep us high with ecstasy. Well, that’s how I think it is.

I see how I’m drifting away from the people I love. No matter how hard I try, the currents of change are too strong for me to reach out to them. I lash out at transience, beat about and kick my legs around just so  it can let me out of its tight and suffocating grasp. If these are the consequences I have to bear for moving along with this wretched entity, I’d rather perish to stillness than witness the loss of what I cherish. But, change is inevitable, and immobility impossible until it finally chooses to take me along with it. How will I fight against this then? I don’t. In fact, no one can. It’s just not  possible to overcome the hold change has upon us.

You may ask, ” Well, if it causes you this great a misery, then why don’t you stop emotionally investing in people?” Don’t you think I tried? Snipping off all kinds of ties from people and dwelling in a shack all to myself surrounded by solitude was the first thought that crossed my doleful mind. I hardened my heart into a rock and put up a mask of intolerance. I thought that an act of biting coldness would sap people’s warmth and send them scurrying away, far away from my presence. In the end, the rock ended up weathering due to the strong forces of people around me. Like it or not, life is hell-bent upon moulding and morphing you into a new character every day by adding a new twist to your story as you proceed. You can’t see anyone more stubborn than life.

Even people whose faces are marked with a noticeable indifference aren’t that impassive toward others. They may not feel those pangs of emotions just as much as you do, but everyone has their own weaknesses  and nature always has something in store to send a ripple of feelings in every one of us. Some people just happen to have mastered the act of concealing things and pouring forth the troubles in dark with the four walls bearing witness. Change has that ability- to make a person worth the splendour or completely wear one out from within. It doesn’t matter if you’re a loner or a social butterfly. We’re all victims to reformation. There’s no running away from this one.

Whatever it is, I welcome it with my arms wide open. As much as I don’t wish for it, there’s an inner voice that tells me to stop brooding and let myself adrift for change to take me along. It certainly took me time to conciliate myself and pacify those rumbling memories that are probably scorning at me for making space for the new ones. Life has, and is, taking away my friends with it. In spite of that, it brings  new people into my story to make up for the void left behind by the former just to turn that frown upside down, and I’m forever indebted to the fates for that. I don’t think I have to be, but we won’t ponder over that.

This is how one survives life’s gut-wrenching twists. If you keep lingering in the past, you aren’t really living because you aren’t turning the pages of your book to live the adventure.  Moreover, a true survivor is the one who has finally made peace with life’s brevity. That’s my opinion. Yours could differ.

Change may have changed the relationship over time, but if there’s one thing it couldn’t, it’s my compassion. If we run into each other in a busy street at some point in our lives, it wouldn’t feel like how it always did, but this notable difference is only acting as a detour  in our lives which may or may not be that thrilling. I’m never too far gone. You’ll always find me lurking around the corners if you ever need me, and once you give me the signal, I’ll always be there to pull you in with my arms. Then, we could clank the cobblestones with our high-heels and revel in our companionship for each other,hand in hand, until the Sun goes down and we call it a night.