Dear fellow human,
It’s been a decade since we last saw each other and since you last tormented me. I’m aware that neither will you ever come across this blog post nor will you ever come back to haunt me again. Do you even remember me? I’m sure that if you do, I’m nothing but a nameless kid who endured your worst insults and pranks. Moreover, if you don’t, I’m glad you don’t, but I can only hope that you’ve changed for the better and that the memories of the latter that overshadow me aren’t those of inflicting pain on people like me. However, the sheer hell you made me experience back in those days is what drives me to write this post.
I was a new kid, not only in the school but in the city too. New place, new lifestyle, new people, and an alien language. Nonetheless, it wasn’t hard for me to snuggle into a cosy spot surrounded by the tenderness of people with genuine affection and concern. Unlike you, I used to win over people’s hearts with goodwill, not out of dominance as a tyrant like you.
“Other people have it worse than you”. That’s what you’d say. All you did was pierce me with the worst insults you could come up with. It was fine as long as it was centred around me, but you brought in my parents too. You told me I was useless and that the World is better off without me. You told me I was silly, so my parents were probably mental. You told me I was fat and ugly and that I looked like an ogre. Whatever you mouthed to me would kill me within everyday. I couldn’t take it any more. Some day, I had to stop surrendering to your tasteless ramblings.
I ran to the home room teacher with my eyes swollen. I cried so hard that my throat was parched. There was nothing my friends could do about it either. Who would want to be a victim to this frightening monster? I approached the teacher who was busy in another class. She was the home room teacher after all and here was her student with a runny nose, pink eyes and red lips, so naturally she diverted her attention to this kid. All eyes bore into me, as if looking into my soul, scrutinizing and probing every inch of this despairing child.
She asked me what happened and I blurt out the suppressed. Never did I feel so relieved and exempted from the pain, but all good things don’t last for long. She called for you and asked you what happened. You two conversed for a while in a language I was oblivious to. Soon enough, it hit me that you were this teacher’s pet. The bully was a beast to my eyes, but a darling to a teacher’s eyes. There was no way I could be free from your ruthless attacks. There was no way any teacher would ever believe me for my words. I was helpless just like the rest of the students in my class because you were a vicious, strategic and a calculative brawn.
You stopped for a while and would smirk whenever we crossed our paths. I did not know your intentions and dismissed the sight of you as an insignificant image. The day is still crystal clear in my mind. Sometimes, it morphs itself into a nightmare and leaves me fear-stricken and gasping for breath. It was that day when I found out, you and I were our class’ OTP.
The thought of it twists my gut and makes me cringe out of disgust. I hope that after all these years, the insensitive people who paired us up have let go of this kind of fantasy; that the school’s bad boy and a goody-two-shoes are the best couple anyone could envisage. I wish more people knew that bad boys in real life aren’t the sexy, enigmatic, ‘make-your-knees-weak’ kind of bad boys. They’re treacherous, cunning, and absolutely revolting.
You didn’t get me back immediately for exposing your heinous side, but when you did finally strike, it was far worse than what I’d imagined. In fact, it was so terrible that I’d lie to my teachers about being sick from having too much ‘curd’ and go back home. This, became a routine and I’d do it twice a week. However, the secret routine only lasted for a month. The teacher who’d let me call my father up knew there was more to the story than what I had let her in, but she never stopped me, and I’m grateful to her for that. Neither did my parents question me nor did I ever tell them about you.
It often felt like you knew exactly what to do to make me feel really awful by not actually doing anything. You were a master puppeteer and I the puppet, who moved along exactly as the player expected. All you had to do was be ‘nice’ to me to instil fear within my mind. No. It wasn’t the genuine nice, but a mask of nice that people put on to psychologically make a person distraught. You even switched places and started sitting behind me. My back, which used to be a little inclined, now found itself erect, and my seat, which was once a refuge from your presence, now had me on edge throughout the prolonged classes.
Time flew by and it all waned. I was finally out of your horrific grasp and found myself truly enjoying the new setting. You stopped bothering me and keeping me under your radar, and I completely forgot about your existence in the big classroom. For the first time in a long time, I stopped living in utter fear.
The academic year soon came to an end and I finally moved to another state. I don’t know what happened to you after that, but fates didn’t stop bringing in the likes of you. There was a girl and another girl. The girls were snarly and enjoyed their glory on the throne. A boy too, but his mother was on my side and made sure he never pounced on me with his words again. Soon, I left the country itself and those years have shaped me into a real life Boudicca. The Boudicca who shall not be defeated because of your tyranny.
I haven’t written other heartless people a letter like I write one for you. It’s not because you have a special place in my heart, and it’s definitely not because I miss you, but consider this as an effort to stop holding on to that period of my life by writing it all down. Those who came by after you have never had such an impact on me mentally. I, to this day, consider myself fortunate because you let me go and didn’t take your game of relentlessly pestering people to another level with me. I hope you’ve given that up completely and have stopped relishing the fear of other people.
There are so many people like you out there, boys and girls, who think it’s a form of amusement to strike a chord of terror in their victims. What is in it for your kind, after preying upon the helpless? Maybe, all you want is for others to bow down to you and lay a red carpet as you make your way. Maybe, you want to establish your dominance by incorporating these atrocious techniques, and maybe, you want to get away with anything without a question. Little do you know that there’s a beast in every one of us. If you kick around anyone or toy around with emotions for too long, then consider your days as numbered because just as the good doesn’t stay around for long, the wicked don’t lurk any longer either.
If only bullies like you realize sooner that the same thing could be gained through kindness. If you want people to revere you, if you want people to bow down to your greatness, do something that voluntarily makes them worship you on their altar. Win over their hearts out of benevolence. You will soon find that the rest of us will be ready to do anything for you if you are just as ready to do anything for us. Give others the respect and they will never fail to reciprocate the same respect you yearn for. Show them. Prove it to them that you deserve all the good things by doing them all the good that’s in your power. In the end, we always try to give each other more than what we can because of the compassion brimming within us toward each other. That’s just us.
I hope you’ve deviated from the murky path you undertook. Come over to the other side, and you’ll be able to live a life in harmony with the warmth you’ve become unknown to.