I bite my lip and swear at the morbid screen. I shouldn’t have said that. I probably hurt her. She’s already so sensitive and fragile that all it takes is a little nudge to see her breaking apart like a glass would.
Heart drops heavy and I heave a sigh of distress. There are regrets that abound in every page of my story. I should have, I could have, I must have, things would be so different otherwise, like the Chaos Theory says-a little tweak now, a kaboom in the future.
It’s so tempting to envisage an alternate reality where things don’t get stuck in the pipe and gently flow through it. No turbulence. Just tranquillity. We wish every decision, every step, didn’t have to come up with such sordid consequences. You do something on the spur of the moment and then you mutter to yourself,“Damn it! I should have thought that through.” However, it’s too late. The damage has been done. Now, it’s time to flee before your parents bite into your already frustrated soul.
How could we have known that the decision wouldn’t lead us to the expected outcome? We only start regretting after we either face the results or ponder more rationally which makes us desperately want to rewind time and undo the did. I regret doing this specific thing because now I’m aware that doing it would lead me to so and so outcomes, so I ask, “can I just walk back in time Universe?” The Universe bellows NO! And here I am wasting my time regretting what I did.
We aren’t Time Lords. We can’t control time. We don’t wield the prowess to snap our fingers to be teleported right back to that instant and fix everything only to change the course of reality itself. Even if we could, it would come with its fair share of consequences because altering the reality is a troublesome work. Don’t believe me? It’s about time you bury yourself in the realm of metaphysics.
So what if you can’t erase that permanent mark on the white board? You could always draw over that permanent mark! It may turn out to be a little sketchy, but even the sketchiest thing seems whole when you accept it for what it is. Maybe, you will never be forgiven for what you did, and maybe you will be. But, clinging to that regret will only leave you behind in this marathon. Regretting is like giving up and resting your body while the other runners are way ahead of you.
I don’t know if you think of life as a race. However, this life is an individual race for those of us who still live and if we want to finish it, we have to stand right up, muster the courage and bolt toward the finishing line. There will be obstructions, pesky pebbles which will make you trip, discouragement because you’re falling behind, but keep going and don’t stop. Regrets will always find their way to your head, but you will never find your way back to that potentially joyous moment lost.
This may be hard for you, but it’s about time you snip-snip the string that binds you to those regrets and float away in the expanse of serenity. You and I know that one can truly take a delight in their lives by bidding those regrets adieu. Do it. Cut it. Hurl it. Never let it pay you a visit again.